JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who wishes his girl would take turns when it comes to edgy sex
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Hot wax makes my eyes water
My girlfriend loves to hurt and humiliate me during sex.
She’s hugely into role play and kinky practises.
From tying me to the bed and teasing me with ice cubes and hot wax to blindfolding me and thwacking me with a leather paddle, all her games end up with me being punished. If someone is going to be chastised and degraded, then it’s always yours truly. I’m a tolerant and open-minded person, but must question how much she loves, or even likes me.
More than once, I’ve asked if we can put things on a more equal footing to, which she’s blasted me for being boring. Is it healthy that I’m always her victim?
JANE SAYS: I urge you to consider your mental and physical health. What if one of these games were to go wrong and you wound up injured or emotionally scarred? Please assure me you have a pre-arranged ‘safe’ word.
Pushing you around may make your girlfriend feel attractive and powerful, but this is an extremely one-sided relationship. Where is the love and where is the respect? You’ve explained to her that you crave parity, yet she’s still not listening. Calling you boring simply for asking a question is childish.
If she believes that you’re lucky to be in her life, then she must have a very inflated sense of her own importance. Think carefully about sticking around.
They love to control me
My parents think they can throw money at any problem. How do I get them to accept that I’m not interested in living next door to them? They’ve branded me selfish for refusing to give up my city flat and buy a vacant property on their road. Recently, during a family meal, they offered to pay for everything from the deposit to the first six month’s mortgage repayments.
My guy and I are happy where we are. My mother is used to getting her own way. She’s furious, and sulking, that I’m not doing as I’m told.
JANE SAYS: It takes a strong person to say ‘no’ to offers of cash and family pressure. But, if you’re absolutely determined that you like your life just as it is, then your parents must hear that you will not be ground down, bullied or bought.
Keep calm and insist they respect your position. This is not about funding; this is about your life and how you wish to live it. Stay strong and shut this down. Make it clear you have no wish to fall out with them but know your own mind.
This conversation needs to end right here.
He’s too proud
My partner will never admit he’s wrong. I’m angry because he spent a huge amount of money on lavish Christmas presents for his ungrateful family and now needs a loan from me.
This is on top of him buying a motorbike that keeps breaking down. He is a good bloke, but I wish he’d be more mature.
JANE SAYS: Can you ask him to take stock and discuss future purchases? Make it clear that you’re not attempting to control him. But if you’re living together, then you’re entitled to an opinion – especially when things get out of hand.
Point out that you’re on his side and that ongoing friction brings you no pleasure. You must be able to speak and work together. You’re not the enemy.
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