JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who bonked her boyfriend’s mate at a party and is now being chased for a sordid replay
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Passionate romp was a mistake
Just before Christmas I slept with my boyfriend’s mate. Huge mistake. I don’t even like him, let alone fancy him. I don’t know why I did it. Yes, I was at a party and very drunk but that’s no excuse, is it?
One minute I was dancing on the kitchen table, the next I was down his throat. We found an empty bedroom, pushed the coats off and dived under the duvet. The sex was urgent, satisfying and hot but we didn’t say anything to each other. Our hook-up only ended when the homeowner stormed in and ordered us out.
Now this horrible mate has this shameful secret over me. He’s demanding a re-run or money. If I don’t agree to meeting him in a hotel room for an overnight rematch, or give him £300, then he’ll tell my guy everything. He doesn’t care about falling out with my guy, but I do, very much. How do I sort this when I feel so terrible?
JANE SAYS: It’s vital that you stamp this nonsense out right now. This rat is attempting to blackmail you and blackmail is illegal.
Get in first and tell your boyfriend everything. It’s important that the truth comes from your lips because there were other people at that party and any one of them could squeal. There’s no denying that you acted appallingly at the party and, no, alcohol is never an excuse, but your boyfriend deserves the truth. Nothing gives his mate the right to frighten you, blackmail you or hold you to ransom.
Ultimately, you and your boyfriend may not last, but his loathsome mate must be exposed. Make sure that your parents and trusted relatives know what you’re going through so that there are no secrets.
Think about how much you’re drinking and where your life is headed.
They say I’m washed up
I’m too scared to date because my adult kids say that they’ll never speak to me again if I do. They say I’m ridiculous and disgusting for wanting love and sex at my age – I’m 44. I wonder if I should simply remarry my ex-husband to keep the peace. Shacking up with him again might be easier in terms of convenience and family harmony.
His mother and our sons are pestering me to give my ex another chance. They say I’m selfish for wanting my own space. My ex and I split due to his cheating and overspending. Even he thinks it’s time for me to ‘stop being silly’ and have him back. How come everyone else seems to know what’s best for me?
JANE SAYS: Do you still love and respect your ex-husband? Has he assured you of his commitment? Can you be sure he’ll never cheat again? Don’t be hurried. This is your time and you’re entitled to please yourself. Remember that your family don’t own you and you’re allowed to be free. I worry that your teens and ex-mother-in-law are more concerned with their own comfort and cosy family vibe – especially at this time of year – than your happiness.
You’re still a young, vibrant woman. Why shouldn’t you date again? There’s nothing ‘disgusting’ about craving sex and affection at any age. Stop letting them control you.
She used me
My ex-lover has admitted that she only had sex with me for my sperm. Now she’s pregnant and says I can’t have anything to do with the baby. I feel used. Now when we speak, she blasts: “I slept with loads of guys. How do you even know if it’s yours?”
When I threaten to organise a DNA test she sneers “It’s never going to happen”. But what if she demands maintenance payments that I can’t afford? I’m panicking.
JANE SAYS: Please calm down and just see what happens. Don’t harass your ex-lover who needs to concentrate on her health and the health of her unborn child.
Once the child is born, then certain decisions can be made regarding paternity, access, and maintenance.
If the child is yours, then it would be wonderful if you could have a full and loving relationship with, he or she, but that’s a long way off. There’s nothing to be gained from getting yourself in a state and firing off a volley of ‘what ifs. Ask for the help of friends and family in putting this into perspective and giving you support.
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