‘Partner is withholding action until I give her cash – she treats me like a cash machine’

JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who is tired of lending his girl money that she never pays back

If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.

Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.

From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.

If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.

Once bitten

My girl doesn’t take me – or my money – seriously. During the three years we’ve been together she’s used me as her personal cash machine.

Just months after hooking up she asked if she could borrow £500 to clear her overdraft. We were in our honeymoon period, and I was sexed up and in love with her so, naturally I said “Yes”. She made a big fuss of paying me back £50 on her next pay day, but that was it, the remaining £450 was never mentioned again.

Once I took £8,000 out of my savings so that she could buy a car. She’d just started a new job and complained about the long commute. She said it wasn’t safe for her to travel on public transport late at night. She said that a friend of her brother’s was selling a vehicle at a good price. She got the wretched thing, and it was dud. It did nothing but break down and I then spent a further £2,000 getting it fixed before we off-loaded it for scrap. We were conned but she refused to confront the seller because she was worried about humiliating her brother.

I ended up being £12,000 out of pocket (I had to borrow cash from my parents) and now the whole topic of the car is completely taboo. I’m not allowed to mention it.

Now she’s suggested I help her get on board with a franchise idea. She and a friend fancy quitting their office jobs setting up a fast-food outlet. My girl has no experience in food or customer service yet thinks she’s going to make a fortune. Yet again I’m being leaned on to bank roll her. She knows I have cash from helping my parents to sell their business. They have given me a chunk.

My girl is childishly withholding sex until I say ‘yes’.

What is it with her?

JANE SAYS: Your girl clearly has a huge sense of self entitlement.

She sees something she fancies then thinks it’s up to you to make her dream come true. She started small. In the early days of your relationship, she asked for £500, then she moved onto £6,000 for the rubbish car (plus repairs) now she’s talking about investment in a franchise business. Even if she IS going in with a friend then she must be looking for at least £50,000 from you. Am I right? What have her business plans got to do with you? If she’s already got a perfectly good job, then she needs to start saving up and making her own dreams come true. It may drive her crazy knowing that you have money at your disposal, but your finances aren’t her affair. She’s already had enough – and failed to pay back what she owes. Tell her today that you won’t be messed about. If she isn’t interested in having sex with you; if she isn’t interested in making good on her debts or treating you with respect, then where is this relationship headed? What is he point of it if there is no love and no respect?

If you feel you’ve already been scammed, then you need to act. Check out citizensadvice.org.uk or call 0800 144 8848 for support. You can also get online help from a trained adviser.

Heartbreaking times

Sex with my ex-boyfriend was the best. We simply couldn’t get enough of each other. I never meant to get pregnant; it just happened. He left his wife to be with me, and I thought my world was complete. But then I miscarried. Within days he went back to his family. Now I’m on my own and reeling from the shock. Did I ever mean anything to him?

If our baby had survived, then would he still be with me?

I long to kiss him again but he refuses to pick up the phone.

JANE SAYS: Your ex-lover treated you in the most appalling and insensitive way. Just days after losing your baby – his baby – he ran back to his family.

He left you alone to deal with your grief and devastation. Now he refuses to answer the phone, and you must (sadly) conclude that he was never a considerate or decent person.

What’s important now is your wellbeing and recovery.

Please check out miscarriageassociation.org.uk where you’ll find help and information. A helpline on 0303 003 6464 operates between 9am-4pm Monday, Tuesday and Thursday and 9am-8pm Wednesday and Friday.

In time, hopefully, you’ll feel strong enough to love and make plans again.

Silence isn’t golden

I never get to speak to my son. I ring his mobile and his partner answers. She tells me that he’s in the shower or asleep. She asks if there’s a message she can pass on. Consequently, we haven’t spoken for months – not even over Christmas. How can he stand to treat me so badly?

JANE SAYS: Write your son a good old-fashioned letter. Tell him that you miss him. Tactfully ask if you’ve done something wrong. Can you apologise? Then suggest a specific date when you plan to visit him. If he has a problem, then he’ll have to contact you to put you off. Ultimately, you may have to accept that he’s an adult with his own life. Make plans for yourself and try not to take his reluctance to engage personally.