Today was not the day any right-minded publicist would have advised Donald Trump to make a public appearance. He was visibly struggling.
But today is the first anniversary of his second presidency, and so there he was, with an A4 stack of hundreds of clipped-together papers marked “ACHIEVEMENTS” and some color printouts of “Minnesota criminals” that he could barely summon up the energy to hate.
“Wow,” he said, as he wandered slowly out in front of the White House press corps. “That’s a lot of people.”
It’s difficult to describe exactly how strange this press conference was, because it requires a strong sense of what “Trump Normal” is, and Trump Normal is obviously not normal. But at least with Trump Normal, you know what you’re getting. RANDOM SHOUTING! Gesticulations. A bit of rambling punctuated with VERY BIG ANNOUNCEMENTS. Aggressive rhetorical questions. Someone is an idiot or a piggy and needs to be quiet! This is the best. ever. press. conference. anyone’s. ever. seen and anyway, who asked YOU?!
Truth be told, I’ve come to rely on this format; to expect it. I’ve almost become fond of it, in a Stockholm Syndrome kind of way. But what happened today was very much not Trump Normal.
In a baffling, rambling session, the president reached the podium and — after awkwardly saying, “These are achievements,” about the “ACHIEVEMENTS” binder, lest we can’t read 32-inch font — began a scenic tour of “MINNESOTA: WORST OF THE WORST” (as it literally said on the papers underneath.)
It was supposed to be a hard-hitting show of strength, with visuals to prove that everyone protesting in Minnesota is really a murderer and a drug dealer and perhaps even involved in genocide. But despite the fact that he was talking about “vicious, mentally insane killers” — as well as “paid agitators and insurrectionists,” apparently mainly “Somalians” with “low IQs” who give their money to “Democrat protesters” who “go out and buy Mercedes Benzes” with it — Trump just couldn’t summon the rage.
It was all very much, “Grandpa after too many slices of turkey, five hours into Thanksgiving and twenty minutes before he talks himself into a nap”.
Among the claims: Ilhan Omar is corrupt and has never had a job and also Somalia isn’t a country but if it was, it’d be the worst country in the world.
“Insane asylums” across South America are empty because of a vast conspiracy to send people across the border in order to show disrespect to Biden.
California is falling apart and if Gavin Newsom was president, the country would instantly turn into Venezuela. It’s hard to describe how weird it is to hear somebody say all of this with as much energy as a hungover uncle.
As he held up picture after picture, Trump would occasionally mutter, “Look — he killed somebody,” or, “Weapons. This one was very bad.” When he came to the end of the gathered pages, he simply let them all fall to the ground.
And then the usual spiel began: the border, the tariffs, the economy, unemployment numbers shouldn’t be called that because that makes it sound bad. The Democrats artificially inflated their own employment numbers by putting millions on the federal payroll. Trump has delighted in firing millions, but actually it’s OK because they all got higher paid jobs in the private sector, in factories.
“I don’t like to do this, to be honest with you,” the president said at one point, and for once we could actually believe him. Leaning on the podium, he was a distinctly paler shade of orange than he has been in months. He had to occasionally pause for a breath in between normal sentences. And the sentences spiraled, not in the usual rage bait “weave” that he delights in putting together, but in a way that made it clear he couldn’t quite remember exactly what he’d said five minutes earlier, or couldn’t quite remember what the parameters were any longer.
“I like the Hells Angels, they voted for me. They protected me,” he claimed, seconds after seemingly accidentally insulting the group.
Then, on dangerous criminals who supposedly need immediate deporting from the United States: “They came from the Congo. I know the Congo because I ended the war with the Congo and Rwanda. Tough group.” The people who come into the country over the border with Mexico are “Democrat…” long pause “…sort of aligned.” It eventually petered out in a very un-Trump-esque way.
In other words, today’s Very Special Episode wasn’t a rally, or a policy speech, or even a coherent attempt at either. It was a tired man doing the thing he’s always done — shouting into the void, throwing paper at a room full of people — except the engine has started to misfire. The rage was there in theory, but the delivery was exhausted. The conviction was gone. It was all very “last days of Biden”.
Happy anniversary, Mr. President. We didn’t think we’d ever get here, but you’ve now truly achieved the impossible: you’ve kept this act going long enough to become boring.
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